Day 57

Day 57 was Sabbath and I went to church at Hinsdale. I hadn’t been there in a minute. I have to say that after a week of isolation I was actually quite looking forward to going to church. And it was….pretty awful. I usually end up texting with Paul during church and from our conversations I have noticed a trend that church has just gotten absurd….I don’t mean bad necessarily, just sort of batshit crazy. I’ve been telling Paul that I’m about to start going to church on drugs and see what happens cause it’s gotten that weird. Here are some examples from both Paul’s church and mine over the last several weeks and months:

– Burr Ridge: The children’s story was nothing but a ten minute summary of The Sandlot, complete with real names and quotes. At the end the lady asked the kid who knew the moral of the story, claiming that if they had been listening it should be obvious. When greeted with silence she continued to nudge them along until one brave kid was like, “Obey your parents?” And then the lady goes “THAT’S RIGHT! go back to your seats.”

– Hinsdale: Our pastor has a propensity to say really inappropriate things in the pulpit. Two examples. “I was driving along the highway and I passed a cop and….he fingered me!” “For communion today we have a special room set up downstairs for men who wish to service other men.” He is a religious Tobias Funke.

– Gainesville: The head elder said there will be no “beer parlors” in heaven.

– Gainesville: “Dude…we are having special music…synth keyboard…80s beat….ABOUT CHRISTMAS.” Message from Paul on June 18.

So the weirdest thing that happened this week was just that the closing prayer lasted TEN FUCKING MINUTES. You know how the closing prayer is usually just, “Go now into the world in the grace of God.” Not this week. It started like a regular prayer, then two pastors were there at once and they took turns praying for the next ten minutes. It was like this….one of them would pray for all the youth leaders, then the other would pray for the grounds crew, then the other would pray for the janitors, and on and on. It was ridiculous.

After church I went to Olive Garden with my cousins. I love Olive Garden, mostly for minestrone and breadsticks. After I was done eating decided I may as well go to BWW and play some trivia on a Sabbath afternoon. So I did….first game I scored a 6666! No lie…then I decided may as well bring the party home so I got me some beer and I sat out on my balcony till it got dark outside and read this book called The Hole in Our Gospel. Then my friends Phil and Laura wanted to watch Wayne’s World so they came over and brought Whole Foods and more beer and we watched that and Chappelle’s Block Party. Druuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunk

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One Response to Day 57

  1. A RELIGIOUS TOBIAS FUNKE! HAHA!
    Even though I’ve heard most of your stories on here before, they still made me laugh or snicker today when I read them which tells me that they should be included on my list of stuff that’s funny -> every single time.

    I haven’t watched Wayne’s World in a good decade. I did watch Chappelle’s Block Party again quite recently, but just can’t pinpoint when. I wonder if it has something to do with druuuuuuuuuunk..

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