…I saw a Spanish guy doing the Bartman.

Today I felt like death for most of the day. Not physically. I don’t get hangovers any more. That’s a good thing cause I had a pretty hearty drinking day yesterday. I had a couple afternoon beers and then went over to my school for the big talent shebang. I hung out with some teachers and cracked wise about the performances (and the P.E. teacher who introduced “Jingle Bells” by saying, “This next number takes us back to a time that was a little bit whiter…”) Then I saw my friends Phil and Laura who were there because they had a cousin performing. After a while I’d had enough talent so I went home to watch the Bulls game, but the show was over pretty quickly after that and Phil and Laura picked me up to go to Cheddar’s for drinking and food. So I quickly slammed a beer and met them outside. Then we went to Cheddar’s and had fun times and drinks. Then I came home for a nightcap and SNL. So yeah…I had a pretty good outlook on life by the time I went to bed.

But when I woke up I felt fluid and silly. I went to BWW to watch the Hawks game but that didn’t help much…especially when they lost. There is too much heaviness on my mind and I am not heavy so I feel sort of lost in space…like my physical body cannot contain my thoughts and my spirit and all the things that make up who I am. So yeah…I’m sorta stressed out. But when most people are stressed it is because they are working a lot or have a lot of work to do. I definitely have enough that I could be doing to fill up my days but I’m not really working all that much. Take today…I did absolutely NOTHING of any substance whatsoever. All I did was drink beer, eat (a little), watch TV, and read. It’s all I can do because I don’t want to float away.

So today I did feel 100 percent better after I put on some fingerless gloves. They are keeping me grounded. I have been wearing them for five hours. And I know this sounds really silly but I’m not kidding. Shortly after I put them on I felt much more comfortable in my skin. (This could also be due to the fact I started being a much more pleasant level of drunk around the same time.) But it’s like with our kids…sometimes they wear weighted vests and it helps…today I felt like I needed a weighted vest and I’ve felt like that a lot lately. But in the meantime fingerless gloves and alcohol should suffice.

So how about some GOOD NEWS: I took Thursday off this week. Which means I only have to work three days. Then it will be a full day of green beer and college basketball etc. Then Friday will be Friday. And when it is the weekend I will have only one week before spring break in Florida. So I think I can make that. And since I’m driving I think my balance will return to normal by the time I get back. Time in a car will do that. And when I get back there will be baseball and Weezy…

Here’s the thing….everything EVERYTHING we stress about is temporary. Every time you feel low you know that at SOME POINT you are going to feel good again. Of course the inverse is also true…every perfect moment is tainted by the reality that that moment can’t last. Oh man…if I could bottle up a beautiful sunset or the moment just before drunkenness or the apex of the Cut Copy show at Lollapalooza last year and make it last for more than a moment…to feel that for an extended time is what I think heaven must feel like. But instead life is just a weird sort of balance between a bunch of times when you feel good and a bunch of times when you don’t and sometimes these times are sort of happening at the same time and then there are a few moments of absolute perfection and I think the most important thing that anyone can do is recognize absolute perfection when it happens…cause it only lasts a moment. (It’s mostly in the summer.)

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3 Responses to …I saw a Spanish guy doing the Bartman.

  1. Carin says:

    i am glad other people feel stress like an out-of-body experience too. i think i start dissociating. it’s weird.

    i hope you start feeling better soon. i’m glad the gloves helped.

  2. lilslik says:

    Mike, I have the same feelings you described in your last paragraph about summer. All year long I look forward to summer. During the year I am always amazed at how fast the weeks and months go, but then am disappointed in the summer when they go by equally fast.

    You know, your mother bought me fingerless gloves that make me instantly happy. I may start wearing them around the house when I have my depression bouts.

    If my VA plans fall through, I will probably visit this weekend. There’s this thing called pay day between now and then.

    Good plan with taking St. Patrick’s day off.

    • kerouaccat says:

      Everything ALWAYS goes fast. I hate how fast things go. And I hate it when people start putting up countdowns like 54 DAYS TILL SCHOOL IS OUT!!! because I like when school is out too but school is only out two months a year and I don’t want the rest of life to fly by. I just want the school year to be better.

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